"Adolescence" - Information, Support & Advice

This first article is written by Dr Justin Coulson and taken from Happy Families and titled "Raising Boys: What 'Adolescence' (Netflix) reveals", you can read it here or below.

Netflix’s Adolescence is more than just gripping television—it’s a wake-up call. This powerful series lays bare the unseen pressures shaping modern boyhood, from exploring masculinity to the hidden dangers of social media. As parents, educators, and a society, we must ask: What is happening to our boys, and what can we do about it?

---

Everyone is talking about “Adolescence”. And they should. This is incredible television. And it creates a valuable conversation.

Adolescence on Netflix: A Must-Watch Drama That Sparks Critical Conversations

The show opens with a jolt: police officers shatter the dawn and the front door of a suburban home to arrest 13-year-old Jamie Miller for the murder of Katie Leonard, a schoolmate barely older than himself.

A Chilling Opening That Sets the Tone

There’s no whodunnit.

We know the perpetrator from the beginning – although his innocent pleas make us want to believe it’s just a terrible mistake. Instead of being a murder-mystery, Adolescenceforces us to confront the far more unsettling question: why?

Not a Whodunnit—A Whydunnit

Nothing can (or should) diminish the shattering reality that Katie’s life was violently taken. It’s devastating. Who has words for the landscape of grief her family now has to navigate? They are the primary casualties of this catastrophe.

But while Adolescence pointedly demands we recognise this, it directs our attention to another victim: Jamie. The perpetrator. And more broadly, childhood itself.

The Dark Reality of Modern Boyhood

What emerges as detectives unearth elements of Jamie’s life is a portrait of modern boyhood in profound crisis.

I’m writing the final chapters of my book about raising boy right now. This week. This show has forced a rewrite of what I’m saying as I wrap the book.

The Pressure of Masculinity in the Digital Age

Here’s our challenge with Jamie. Despite being in a home with loving parents, receiving an education, and being a “smart” kid, Jamie is struggling. Like so many boys – literally, boys – he has been methodically transformed through a toxic ecosystem that most parents fail to comprehend.

At just 13, when he should be discovering his world through play and friendship – and note, he has some great mates – Jamie is instead trying to live up to (and is being measured against) a poisonous standard of masculinity propagated through social media.

Social Media and the “Boy Code”

The mockery he endured for being an incel – “involuntarily celibate” – reveals how our boys are being thrust into adult sexual frameworks before they’ve even navigated puberty. Jamie’s cardinal sin is that he is a virgin at 13!!!

He’s violating the “Boy Code”. His masculinity feels precarious – but he’s barely old enough to have a broken voice. And the “Man Box” beliefs policed by peers in the playground – kids who don’t know him and don’t care about him – unleash a cascade of shame, self-loathing, and ultimately, violence.

Jamie wasn’t born with violence in his veins. But Jamie and countless boys like him are being victimised by an online ecosystem that feeds on their vulnerability with predatory efficiency.

The Role of Parents, Schools, and Society

In the third episode, set seven months after the murder as Jamie awaits trial in a youth detention facility, we witness Jamie’s emotional landscape for what it truly is: a wasteland.

The Failure of Adults to See the Signs

In conversation with a psychologist (who is assessing him by seeing his reaction to a half-sandwich with food he doesn’t like, and asking him questions about being a man), Jamie desperately insists he isn’t gay, fabricates stories of sexual encounters, and carries the shame of his disinterest in football like an open wound – another failure in his father’s eyes.

When he mutters that he’s “ugly,” we’re witnessing a child whose self-worth has been completely eroded.

When he pleads to know whether the psychologist “likes” him, we witness his desperate need to be seen, to be reassured – to feel like he is worthy; enough.

Who Bears Responsibility for This Crisis?

What becomes devastatingly clear is how Jamie’s conception of manhood has been twisted violently out of shape.

But it didn’t happen in the shadowy corners of the internet. It happened in plain sight on his Instagram feed. Parents and police (all adults) had no clue that Katie had rejected him. The teens have their own language. But when Katie publicly humiliated him, his fragile identity collapsed entirely, and his anxiety erupted into murderous rage.

What Can We Do? A Call to Action

Here’s my take:

Adolescence isn’t just television. It’s a spotlight illuminating a reality many of us are reluctant to acknowledge. As parents, we often collude in our own ignorance, allowing a film of Vaseline to smear across our lens of perception when it comes to our children’s digital lives. Here’s how I’m seeing it.

Everyone bears responsibility.

• The tech companies are accumulating the greatest fortunes ever built in the history of the world while denying responsibility for the toxic spaces they’ve created.
• Our justice system processes damaged children through machinery designed for adults.
• Most educational institutions have failed to create cultures that nurture emotional intelligence or emotional safety.
• At school, groups of unsupervised children without positive role models are sustaining psychological wounds that may never heal.
• Parents are not doing the job (perhaps many are not up to the job) when it comes to kids and screens – and in the case of the show, general boundaries. We must be aware of what’s going on in their digital and their physical lives.
• And the kids – the kids are making choices that will cast long shadows into their lives because they are victims of a society that simply doesn’t care that much about them.

The ideological virus – Man Box, Boy Code, precarious masculinity – that colonised Jamie’s mind endangers women and girls. But the devastating consequences are felt by everyone. It also destroys boys themselves.

The Crisis Facing Boys Today

I spoke with Rebecca Sparrow after the death of my nephew to suicide in 2023. She pointed out that boys are hurting girls and women, they’re hurting each other, and they’re hurting themselves.

This distorted vision of masculinity drives male-on-male violence and suicide rates that leave only shattered lives and grieving families scattered in the aftermath. Watching Jamie’s family – his father in particular in his little boy’s bedroom – fail to come to terms with what has happened might have been the most tragic thing I’ve ever seen on television.

The Hidden Dangers of Raising Boys in a Digital World

As the final credits roll, we’re left without comfort. There’s no reassuring conclusion, no promise that Jamie will extract himself from the toxic ideological quicksand that has consumed him. The victims family are wrongly condemned to a lifetime of suffering. And Jamie’s family will bear the scars of his choices permanently too. The show refuses to offer false hope. It leaves us in discomfort, precisely where we need to be.

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: at this moment, thousands of boys are hunched over screens absorbing the same poisonous narratives that transformed Jamie from a confused adolescent into a killer. They’re being gradually radicalised while we attend to daily routines, often unaware of the transformation occurring under our roofs.

Our boys are being robbed of the opportunity to develop into men unburdened by these destructive conceptions of masculinity. Their childhoods aren’t gently transitioning. They’re being compressed and corrupted by digital influences while adults remain largely oblivious to the damage.

Why the System is Failing Boys

The technology companies won’t intervene. Educational systems are overwhelmed. The justice system is ill-equipped. And our boys continue to fall through widening cracks, emerging either broken by these pressures or breaking others in response.

Richard Reeves said, 

“The construction of masculinity is a cultural task faced by every human society. It must be taught and learned and above all shown: boys believe their eyes more than their ears. When the job is done well, men know they are needed, and for what. They feel seen and heard. If we don’t like some of the versions of masculinity on offer, it’s up to us to fix that, rather than to pathologise the idea of masculinity itself.”

“Adolescence” offers no simple solutions. It simply holds up a mirror to our collective failure and asks what kind of society permits its children to be corrupted in digital spaces until they either implode or explode.

Katie is dead. Jamie is shattered. And the machinery that created this tragedy continues to operate, indifferent to the human cost.

How to Raise Boys Who Thrive

What You Can Do: Practical Steps for Parents

• Monitor your kids’ online activities – Know what they’re watching and who they’re engaging with.
• Talk to them regularly (and listen twice as much) – Open communication is key.
• Minimise screen time and foster face-to-face relationships – Encourage real-world socialisation.
• Spend more time together as a family – Connection builds resilience.
• Make sure he gets enough sleep – Poor sleep impacts emotional regulation.
• Know where your kids are – Awareness prevents risky situations.
• Ensure they have access to great adults who care about them – Role models matter.
• Tell them the three most important words they can hear – Not I love you, but no matter what. They need to know they’re worthy of your love—always

---

This second article was published by Humberside Police over the weekend.

Netflix’s Adolescence just pulled back the curtain on something every parent, educator, and mentor needs to know—the hidden language of emojis.

Online, young people are communicating in ways that most adults completely miss. What looks innocent could have a much darker meaning. Here are some of the codes being used:

🔴 Red Pill – “I see the truth.” Used in toxic male spaces to mean waking up to supposed hidden ‘truths’ about women and society, often linked to misogynistic ideologies.

🔵 Blue Pill – Represents those who are “blind to the truth” or still believe in mainstream views about relationships and gender dynamics.

💥 Dynamite Emoji – An “exploding red pill,” meaning someone is a radicalised incel.

🫘 Kidney Bean – A symbol linked to incel culture, sometimes mocking women.

💯 100 Emoji – Tied to the “80/20 rule,” the belief that 80% of women are only attracted to 20% of men.

🕳️ Black Hole – Used to express depression, hopelessness, or being sucked into negative online spaces.

🌪️ Tornado – Represents chaos or feeling overwhelmed, sometimes used to indicate mental distress.

🐸 Frog Emoji – Associated with alt-right and extremist meme culture, often linked to Pepe the Frog, which has been co-opted by some toxic online groups.

🦅 Eagle – A symbol of extreme nationalism, sometimes used in far-right online spaces.

💀 Skull – While often just slang for “that’s funny” or “I’m dead (from laughing),” in certain groups, it can signal darker themes like nihilism or self-harm.

❤️ 💜 💛 💗 🧡 Heart Colours – Not just about love!

❤️ = Love

💜 = Lust

💛 = “Are you interested?”

💗 = Interested but not in sex

🧡 = “You’ll be okay”

 

So what should parents do?

1️⃣ Get Curious, Not Combative – Ask open-ended questions: “I saw something about emojis meaning different things. Have you heard of this?” Keep the conversation light.

2️⃣ Create a Judgment-Free Zone – If your child feels like they’ll be punished for opening up, they won’t. Make it clear you’re there to listen, not just lecture.

3️⃣ Decode Together – Ask them to explain their digital world. What do different symbols mean? Who are the influencers they follow? Don’t assume—ask.

4️⃣ Teach Critical Thinking – Help them question online content. “Why do you think some groups push this idea? Who benefits?” Arm them with questions, not just rules.

5️⃣ Monitor Without Spying – Open conversations work better than secret surveillance. Make checking in on their online spaces a normal part of parenting, not a crisis move.

6️⃣ Be Real About Manipulation – Explain how toxic online groups groom young people by making them feel special, included, or like they have ‘insider knowledge.’

7️⃣ Build Their Offline Confidence – The more they feel valued and confident in the real world, the less they’ll seek validation in dangerous online spaces.

The digital world is evolving faster than most adults can keep up. But we don’t have to be in the dark!

#DecodeTheCode #ProtectThem